Top 10 Biggest Clowns in “The Wire” by Shea

HBO specializes in good characterization. Their producers continually find talent and hire writers and directors that can really get you relating to people on the show without even thinking about it. But, when a show has a thick and intricate masterpiece of a plot like theirs, for every vet character you see either in a squad car, the corner or on a barstool chatting it up with Dolores, there are also your clowns. Idiots, rooks, clowns, mouses even chaunceys. Whatever you want to call them they exist even in the greatest show on television.

10. Renaldo (Omar’s Mexi-bitch)

Omar's Sloppy 3rds

As if we had had enough of Omar’s multi-cultural sex life scenes, starting in season 4 they introduce his third slave Renaldo. All this character does is drive Omar around in the cab and mutter at least 6 “Aye Poppyyyy” and “¿Que paso?” while continually maintaining an accent almost annoying as the little Puerto Rican chick in White Man Can’t Jump. His only upside was he rolls deep in cousins for muscle situations. Kind of reminds me of a Napoleon Dynomite situation.

9. Frog

A minor character (couldn’t even find a picture) but major clown. Season 2 eastside dealer near the docks, talks like what South Park characterized as a typical heat fan.

Frog is first class Wigger/Wankster, decked out in Fubu and you can barely hear a word he says. He would get eaten alive in the Pit or the Fayette Ave. corners.

8. Jay Landsman

A gut for all seasons

Aside from when Kima gets shot, I literally never see Landsman lift a finger when it comes to actual detective work. He preaches his clearance rate and sucks the tit of Rawls. Too much of a bitch to step up and break the rules McNulty style, but too much of a fat chauncy to get promoted up the chain. Guess that just leaves him his massive order of curly fries and his pornos. I do admit that rocking the old school porn magazines are hilarious especially blatantly during work.

7. De’londa Brice

The bigger the O, the bigger the ho

As Bodie said, this lady is a straight up “Dragon Lady”. She doesn’t lift a finger yet feeds of Wee-Bey’s due from the Barksdale’s (until Brianna steps up on her). After  she gets back from Atlantic City she bitches her own son out for not being man enough to go baby booking lock-up. It takes a savage bitch like her to be able to hang with a G like Bey. Don’t know where Namon got his bitch gene because both of his parents are fierce. Only difference is one is Soldering up 24/7 and the other is making my 80 year old Nana look like busy bee.

6. Old Face Andre

Rocking Polos

This guy gets shit on by everyone he interacts with. Omar robs him without breaking a sweat. Marlo shits on his lame begging excuses, and what he thought was his saving grace Prop Joe sells him back to Marlo when he tried to run from Baltimore. Old Face Andre is what you define as a first class loser in everything he does, including his taste in hats.

5. Scott (Sun Reporter)

"Ahh Scott? My office." -Gus

One of the biggest bullshitting self-improvers in the show, and that is saying something considering the final 3 seasons all have politicians would into the plot. When he comes into identify the cereal killer that doesn’t exist, McNulty chews him out harder that Rawls at a Comstat meeting when the annual murder count is approaching 300. Scott is always shitting on the Bmore Sun, yet fabricating stories for a shot at a Pulitzer. Even though I didn’t enjoy the season 5 “media aspect” of Baltimore, this guy’s idiot level naturally had me siding with the vet Gus and rooting against Scott. The part that seals the viewers’ distaste for this character is the final montage in season 5 shows him actually winning a Pulitzer for his made up shit. As they say in Twitter: smh

4. Herc

Dumb Guido

I don’t care what people say, I fucking hate Herc. He shows absolutely no police talent whatsoever, and made his career talking in on a blowjob. Not saying I wouldn’t ride that to the top, but Herc continually blows every small assignment and shows the intellectual capacity of Mr. Prez’s homeroom. All the meanwhile he’s tapping his sergeant stripes likes he actually earned something. His only redeeming moment is when he cops undercover from Frog with his toothpick routine. The description clown isn’t even enough of an insult for someone as retarded as Herc.

3. Johnny Weeks

Bangs city

Actually thought this was being played by an actually retarded actor during season 1. There wasn’t one scene in that season where he wasn’t doping hard, and, coupled with the way talks, I was actually led to believe he was supposed to be that retarded. Like the show wanted to give some insight as to how not just regular fiends, but retarded and autistic fiends got by. But no. This dude is not retarded, just an idiot. This may sound insensitive but I was happy to see him turn up dead when they plowed Hamsterdam.

Rawl’s line should have been “Let the rats feast on this tard.”

2. Orlando

"Got that New Orleans connect"

Where to start? Well go no further that appearance. His hairstyle is mind boggling. If my job was to run a strip club I would look fresh to death in front of my girls in case they want a piece. Secondly, his decision to get in the game is also a sign he needs to see a head doctor. How can you be stupid enough to go behind Avon’s back and then start snitching? This guy was a ticking time-bomb as the season went on, and after Kima got got because of him, well, he simply jumped the list in Wire idiots.

All but our #1 clown on HBO’s hit series “The Wire”…….

1. Ziggy Sobotka

Where's his duck?

Zig is a picture perfect story of a son who simply is a disappointment. He fails in literally everything he does (aside from a healthy dong size). His father Frank has nothing to be proud of. He can’t work as a stevedore because he’s about as jacked as Duquan “Dukie” Weems. He fails on the corner by fucking up packages, and he has no sense of place when trying to do business with the Greeks.  Not to mention the kid looks full blown emo. Must have been a hell of a teenage phase in the Sobotka house. Nicky knocking up his girl, Frank greasing politicians, and meanwhile Ziggy is upstairs cutting himself and tattooing his name to his knuckles. I have never seen someone fail harder than Ziggy in anything I have encountered. First class clown.

May 27, 2011. Shea.

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