Top Ten Ways to Waste 100 Bucks

So I won 100 bucks on the Preakness a few weeks ago. I know absolutely nothing about horses or horse racing, but due to complete dumb luck this guy made bank. Now I’m usually pretty responsible when it comes to money but found money is just burning a hole in my pocket right now. I’m planning on absolutely wasting every penny of it on indulgent vices. Here are the top ten ways I could think of (and by top ten I mean just ten various ways to blow cash)

When blowing money its important to keep in mind the asshole factor of whatever you are doing, because isn’t that the point of wasting gratuitous amounts of money?

10. One bottle of alcohol

Nothing says “asshole” like the dickhead walking around the party sipping a bottle of Hennessey handing out free shots like some sort of alcoholic santa clause. Because really, after 10 shots who can taste the difference between Hen and the admiral nelson. That said this is still a great way to waste 100 bucks.

9. Various drugs

looks like fun

This one is an absolute no brainer. Everyone loves the guy who has gratuitous amounts of drugs. You can either share them or use them all for yourself (the far more economically savvy option). A true vet wouldn’t even think twice about this one.

8. jenna haze lotus fleshlight (80 plus s+h)

which hole do you prefer? a plastic one duh

This badboy will costs you 80 bucks plus discreet shipping and handling. But why ever masturbate again when you could just have “sex” with a plastic vagina? Now that they come modeled after your favorite adult celebrity, these things are selling like hotcakes.

7. 5 morning after pills

one plan b omlette coming up

At colleges Plan B is going to run you a solid 20 bucks. Now the real vet move here is just to burn the bridge and refuse to pay / deny you even know the poor girl. But if you have a soul and don’t want to be murdered by a group of broads this could be a solid investment.

6. A half keg

Beer is great. Beer in bulk is better. This one actually is pretty solid because you could probably make your money back by having a party and selling cups. But realistically we know that won’t happen, and this thing will just get guzzled by 100 thirsty freshman in about 10 minutes. So this is a true waste of 100 scrillions.

5. make it rain at strip club

This one gets serious asshole bonus points. First of all 100 bucks isn’t even much to make it rain with, you just look like a broke ass pacman jones. Oh wait he’s probably broke as shit by now too. Check out some classic pacman jokes:

4. Puppy (technically free but this asshole will cost you in the long run)

Nothing makes you happier than a puppy. Nothing loves you more than a puppy. Dogs are the best animal in the world and I dare anyone to tell me otherwise. Thing gives you more love than your mother without the nagging. Only downside is this asshole will cost you thousands in the long run. These costs are possibly offset by the number of girls that the thing will attract.

3. 25 gallons of gasoline to huff

As gas prices skyrocket, one of the fastest growing drug epidemics is becoming increasingly hard to support. Id be stoked as hell to toss out 100 quid for some gas to huff. We all know im down for random dancing.

2. 6 month subscription to bangbros (3 month is is 49.95)

If you’re anything like me then your favorite hobbies are drinking alone and watching tv alone. This means that you don’t have a girlfriend. Bangbros is like all the sex you could have with your girlfriend without needing to do anything. Except yanking it is nothing really like sex. And why pay for bangbros when exists? But anyway this is a pretty quality way to blow 100 bucks.

1. one cigar

Arturo Fuente Opus X “A” – $99.00 A huge powerhouse of a cigar at 9.2 inches long and a 43 ring gauge, and one of the rarest in the world to boot. ”

Literally burning 100 bucks. Giving yourself cancer. Smelling like dick. True waste of 100 bucks here this really a pretty obvious pick.

May 30, 2011. chrispness.

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