Top 10 Worst Roommate Traits

Its always a tricky deal having to live with someone, especially freshman year when that person is probably a complete stranger. Here are the ten worst characteristics a roommate can have.

10. Not paying for alcohol

"let me get you next week"

Booze is a necessary expense of college. It costs probably around 100 dollars a month to drink effectively. But if your room mate is always pawning your alcohol, “borrowing” shots here and there, or just plain stealing a beer for later, these costs can skyrocket. The worst part is its really hard to confront a room mate about this, because you have to live with the prick for at least another few months. You need to avoid making him angry at all costs, because remember he has full access to all of your personal stuff.

9. Neat Freak

my dream room. true story

This is one that probably sneaks up on you. At first you think that its going to be great and this guy will just keep the room clean for you at all times. But after about a week the passive aggressive sticky notes start popping up around the room reminding you of chores you “need” to complete. This OCD motherfucker won’t give you five seconds of peace to wallow in your own filth.

8. Tobacco Addiction

Pick your poison here, literally. Smokers smell like dick, have no money and therefore probably don’t pay for anything else, and to make matters worse will probably burn your dorm down with careless ashtrays fashioned out of your sheets. As bad as that sounds, a room mate that chews is probably even worse. The spitting sounds. The precariously left half full cups of dip juice just waiting to spill all over your valuables, and possibly worst, when this room mate gets drunk he just spits all over the floor and or your belongings.

7. Incompatible Schedules

If you and your roommate have opposite schedules, literally everything is impossible. You can’t get any alone time because they just show up out of nowhere. They wake you up at night / in the morning when they come and go, and there is never anyone in your room that automatically has to hang out with you. This one has fucked me many times before, and is probably the reason for my solitary existence (that or my habit of drooling everywhere. Either way. Jokes.)

6. Being a Noner / Bringing nothing

if this guy had a single...

Your dorm room is your home during the school year. You need a fair amount of fairly expensive stuff, including an xbox, tv, speakers, various chargers, fridge, and some furniture. This shit can get pricy, but usually it’s no big deal between two people. The worst is the roommate that brings nothing, and then abuses the shit out of and breaks all of your stuff.

5. Lack of Hygiene

This one sounds like it’s just a mild annoyance, a roomie that just doesn’t smell great. But sneakily it gets far worse. They leave their smelly ass clothes / aura all over the room, and no matter what you are doing you can’t escape the smell, and anyone who comes over blames it on you.

4. Dealing Drugs

So at first this seems like an awesome roommate trait, free drugs 24/7. But after about a week you realize the plethora of issues. First of all instant access to getting fucked up all of the time means your productivity is going out the window. Toss on top of that risks of drug busts and getting blamed for his shit and you realize that the honeymoon was over before it began.

3. Masturbation Addiction

There's an O face

All guys do it. We love it. We need it. I’m sure all of us have at some point in time been caught by our roommates. Its awkward as hell but that one time is never really a big deal. There’s just the unspoken rule about being more careful next time. Once you exceed walking in on him twice, it starts being a problem.

2. Snoring

You just pulled an all nighter. You’re trying to sneakily have sex in your double. But no. Your asshole room mate is sawing wood louder than don vito. This one is sneakily one of the most annoying traits of all, because it might not bother you all the time, but not being able to sleep is one of the worst feelings in my opinion.

1. Being Me

Typical tuesday morning at the chrispness residence

This shouldn’t come as much of a surprise but I am literally the worst roommate in the history of man. I possess all of the previous traits in spades. I leave half used spitters everywhere. I’m literally masturbating 70 percent of the time that I’m awake. Last time that I showered was during the cold war. If you think I’m kidding ask one of the 4 roommates I have had in the last 2 years. They all hate me. Literally wish I were dead. They won’t even talk about half of the things they have seen


June 14, 2011. chrispness.

Leave a Comment

Be the first to comment!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback URI

%d bloggers like this: