Top ten worst things about summer jobs

Over here at TTBG we are all slaving away at various summer jobs that in their own way could each be considered a form of torture. But hey that hurricaine high gravity isn’t going to buy itself now is it? Here are the top ten reasons why having a summer job sucks

10. Interviews
After slaving away over a resume, bullshit cover letter, and filling out the exact same information on 70 job and internship applications you finally get called in for an interview. A solid 40 percent of the time at the interview is spent going over the exact information on your application and resume. The other 60 you have to spend pretending like you give a shit about whatever job you are trying to get. This is especially difficult when you are supposed to convince someone that a career at yankee candle has been a dream of yours for years
9. Work related “injuries”
These come in all shapes and sizes. If you’re stuck copying data into excel all day, you end up with carpal tunnel, a sore neck, bad posture, obesity, type two diabetes, and terrible eyesight. On the other hand, factory labor or construction jobs lead to destroyed backs, tobacco addictions, and possibly a lost limb. Seems like a lose-lose to me. Unless you end up in retail, then your only real injury is probably from being assaulted by the fat bitch trying to get to the sale at Lane Bryant.
8. Your Boss dropped out of 10th grade
As college students we are used to dealing with some pretty fucking intelligent people on a day to day basis. Then, when you get thrust out into the work world for the summer you deal with the bottom ten percent of society. As summer help, you are thrown under the tutelage of the lowest man on the totem pole at the business. My best experience was last summer at a t-shirt factory, where my boss dropped out of school in the 10th grade, and made three times as much as I did. Seems like my education is really taking me far.
7. Boring / not challenging
Show me an exciting and challenging summer job and ill suck your dick so fast it will make your head spin. With the exception of seasonal jobs in landscaping or tourism, there is a reason why your position only exists for 3 months out of the year, because it isn’t fucking important. This means that either your job shouldn’t even exist at all because it isn’t necessary, or, even worse, its such a shit position that they can’t find anyone to do it year round.
6. Bad hours
Here is another one where you’re fucked either way. If you work normal adult hours, you miss all of the sun during the day, and are stuck fighting a brutal commute (see 5). If you work evenings, you’re fucked because all of your friends work during the day and you miss out seeing them at night. This happened to me and I have become a solitary, nocturnal creature.
5. Commute
Every day millions of Americans want to blow their brains out as they sit in gridlock traffic driving to work. Its like adding insult to injury doing something you hate (sitting in traffic) to go to do something you hate (selling candles). Lucky us, for 3 months out of the year college students get a taste of what being middle aged and hopeless is like. Kind of makes me want to either a. find a sugar mama or b. just become a homeless wino.
4. Drug tests
An alarmingly high number of summer jobs make you submit a urine sample these days. This brings the question, does it really fucking matter if I’ve been smoking weed? Is being high sometime in the last month really going to interfere with my ability to cut grass / sell candles / crunch numbers? Fuck no. And spare me that crap about trying to find the “good kids” for jobs by doing this. That cocksucker that won’t break the rules isn’t nearly edgy enough to sell as many large “midsummer night” scented candles as this guy.
3. Co workers
If taken with the right attitude, this is actually the best part about a summer job. As I have said before, at summer jobs you are subjected to the bottom ten percent of the American population. This leads to some hilarious situations, and if you can refrain from killing them due to their ineptitude / disgusting personal habits, you might be able to laugh a few years down the road. Below is an actual video of a couple clowns I work with. True story. this summer

2. Being hung over at work
There is no worse feeling in the entire world then having a raging headache, a stomach in knots, and eight hours of physical labor to look forward to. This means that your summer job takes not only the hours you have at work away from you, but also the night before.
1. Low /no pay
I can hear adults right now “be thankful in this economy that you got any job at all.” Fuck that. I make 8.55 an hour and only work part time. How the fuck am I supposed to pay for gas for a 35 minute commute, and a 30 every other night to try and make myself forget my miserable existence?

The moral of this story is, all school year long you think of how nice its going to be to be able to fuck off and not do school work all summer. Then it gets here and is the most anticlimactic time ever, filled with boring jobs, Chauncey coworkers, no money, and a painful commute.

June 24, 2011. chrispness.

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